Miscarriages and Entrepreneurship
If you have been around for a minute, you know this already… but just in case, I have a confession to make: I am a little competitive.
Okay, maybe more than a little.
It’s just that when I commit to something, I like to make sure I am absolutely, positively, 100% IN. That means…
🥎 If it is a game, I’ll do everything I can to make sure my team wins.
💻 If it’s a course, I ensure it actually delivers results (and is never half @$$ed).
🎞 If it’s my Youtube channel, that my content always be on point.
🐴 If it’s a retreat, that it is mindblowing. 🤯
📚 If it’s my book, that it be so real and authentic it makes you cry.
💰 And even if it’s just a freemium, that it actually makes you money (or saves you ⏰ - or both!)
Call this list my Mother’s Day gift to you. (Go ahead, click through the links - I’ll wait! 😛)
Speaking of Mom’s Day, let’s take a minute to talk about another area of life where I’m totally and completely IN: raising my two beautiful daughters.
If you’re a mom, too, you probably feel the same way. Nothing could be more precious than seeing my daughters grow up happy and healthy every day.
However, what you don’t see pictured above are the six times I miscarried before and between the births of my daughters. As I’m sure you can understand, I don’t talk about my miscarriages much. But today, I want to talk about them. And I want to tell you what I’ve learned.
At the time they happened, every miscarriage felt like a soul-crushing failure. It seemed like my body was destroying my dreams and my babies. I tried every tonic, tea, and doctor I could find, but nothing seemed to help.
Then, unexpectedly, after four painful miscarriages, a miracle happened. My body held onto the baby full-term, and our beautiful big girl was born.
We’d wanted more than one, though. So after a while, we began trying again. Initially, it was the same story. I miscarried twice more before we finally caved and started considering the IVF process.
I struggled with the idea. I felt like “having” to go for IVF was a sign of failure. What was wrong with me? Why wouldn’t things just work as they should? But then, something inside me shifted. Instead of focusing on the new procedure, inside my heart, I began to focus on the incredible blessing that our family already had - our first daughter.
As we entered the preliminary IVF conversations, I let go. I stopped "playing the game” and telling myself what "should" or "shouldn't" happen. I chose not to listen to the voice of failure in my head and heart and instead remembered the gifts in my life. Instead of worrying about the future, I found evidence to support the many ways I had already succeeded, things like the list of creations I shared above. I accepted where I was. And we scheduled the first IVF appointment.
In the weeks leading up to the appointment, I tried to be as present as possible with our daughter. I spent every minute I could enjoying time with her and watching how joyfully she interacted with the world. She was my inspiration, and being with her helped me to realize my present world was pretty damn incredible.
Then, four days before the IVF appointment, I found out we were pregnant again. With my heart full, my body held the baby, and soon our second daughter was born.
Today, I still mourn for the miscarried children I never got to meet. But I no longer view my miscarriages as failures. Heartbreaking as it was to go through them, they led me to understand the biggest lesson of all: to never take for granted and always appreciate my beautiful blessings.
Receiving the life promotion to mom has been the greatest gift in the world. But this mindset of living in abundant gratitude every single day has many benefits, too. Because I know how precious my family is, and how important it is for me to fill my own cup in order to give to others, I prioritize them. I have built my companies around being able to spend time with my girls. I know doing so allows me to show up for my clients with greater presence. Shifting to a mindset of gratitude and a focus on abundance will do the same for you, too.
Once upon a time, I thought I could control the future. When I saw life had not given me what I expected, I deemed myself a failure. Now I know my present is richer because of every experience I have had… especially the ones I would never have planned. In fact, when unexpected things happen to me now, I like to ask myself, “What if this is happening FOR me instead of TO me?” (More on that mantra and self-query here.)
Ready to shift your mindset, relax the rules, and be more grateful and present? Here are a few practical suggestions:
🌎 Listen for your self-imposed shoulds and shouldn'ts, and ask yourself, “Is that true?”
🌎 Remember that focusing on what you have will bring you more of it, and seeing what you lack will bring you less
🌎 Focus on the abundance all around you as proof you are not a failure (it is there, I promise - keep looking and digging until you find it, or message me if you want help)
🌎 Remember that when you show up as your best self, you always win, even if the outcome you had hoped for doesn't happen
Bottom line: Failures do not mean that you are a failure. Things happen in life; ultimately it is a cumulation of these “things” that make us who we are. Every time something happens, we get to choose how we react to it and the next steps we will take.
This Mother’s Day, from the bottom of my heart, I hope the next step you take brings you closer to your vision, your purpose, and the people who matter most to you.
Thank you for making the world a better place.
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